Splish Splash - A painting by Britta Anderson

This painting captivated me as I was walking to my car from Saturday Market. 

I was pulled into it.

I felt like this painting saw me. 

Isn’t that crazy? 

This painting saw me in a way my father never could. 

If you have loved and lost a narcissistic parent, you know of what I speak. 

He is freed of the unrelenting pain that drove him to judgementalism, and so am I. 

I’m not a victim. 

I know that I chose this relationship and I will grow more fully into my authentic self because of it. 

My depth of compassion grew from it.

So did my self-doubt. 

Good will come from this, and already has. 

But right now, it feels messy, and that’s okay. 

I am more certain than ever before that we have got to feel pain before we can authentically step free from it. 

I am grieving that even though he told me he loved me, his final will reflected rejection. 

Even in death, I was not enough for him. 

Am I enough for me? 

Yes! That’s the gift. That’s freedom! 

I have people who love me just as I am. 

My sweet husband. 

My beautiful daughters. 

Others.

Each of us needs to be reminded of our Lovability. 

We need help finding our way to wholeness. 

We all experience rejection.

The question becomes, “How long are we going to reject ourselves?” 

You and I were made worthy of love.

I loved my dad with every fiber of my being.

He knows that now.